Becca Jane St Clair

[This is a re-post of an entry written for LJ Idol week 15 – preoccupied.]

My husband says I have butterflies in my head. It’s not meant as an insult, it’s said with fondness in his voice and is a reference to my ability, or rather, my lack of an ability to pay attention.

It’s not ADD or ADHD, and in fact I always did well in school and paid attention to most of my classes as I was generally interested in most of them. It’s more that I seem to have too many interesting things to look at, read, listen to, and do.

I’m a housewife, but my house is usually an organized mess of chaos. Tim and I know where things are…for the most part. Every once in a while I’ll get this grand idea to organize something and I’ll start on it and feel the excitement blooming as I come up with a plan….and then I’ll spy a cookbook I haven’t looked through yet, or I’ll decide to check my email. Email leads to Facebook, Livejournal, Twitter, Google Reader, Pinterest, and Sink into Your Eyes. If the story is good on SIYE, there’s an entire afternoon GONE.

And let’s not forget my Kindle. Last week, one of my favoured chick-lit authors released her latest spy/suspense novel and I immediately downloaded it and spent most of the afternoon reading it. I’m also in the process of re-reading the entire Pratchett library, and sometimes I’ll stop just until the kettle boils to read a bit and wind up spending hours and retuning to a cold kettle!

My brain doesn’t stop. I used to use some Guster lyrics on the front page of my LJ years ago and I never knew how perfect they fit me until recently — I’m the center of attention in the walls inside my head / and no one will ever know it if I keep my mouth shut tight — Boy, does that ring true. Even while I’m doing the washing up, my brain is thinking, thinking, thinking. Dreaming up ideas for stories (that never get written), imagining what I would do if I had a bigger kitchen, planning out the redecoration of the upstairs, dreaming about having children, creating new designs for felt crafts….anything and everything goes on in my head.

You know what the say about the best laid plans and all, right? Every week, on Monday morning (sometimes afternoon) I say to myself “this week will be different”. I tell myself that I will get on top of the laundry, including putting it away, I will keep the kitchen clean and do the dishes daily, I will tackle the big pile of mending that’s been waiting for “a few spare minutes”, and I might even get a head start on preparing the spare room for my guests, the first of which arrives in April.

Each week I fail. I spend so much time thinking about what I planned on doing with my week, that I wind up not doing any of it.

So here I sit, Monday afternoon. It’s a new week. What am I going to do with it?

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